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марта 29 MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVINGOK this blog will move because MSN is too fucked up and i can't access my archives and comments and all so i'm moving to blogger. No offense to you MSN, we had a good time together but there's nothing left between us and it can't go on like that. All those small imperfections that used to make you cute are just a pain in the arse now (i'm a much more convincing dumpee than dumper as you can see).
you will now find me at http://bhoygary.blogspot.com/
for all those who read me on a regular basis (that's me and myself) thank you and just follow me to my new address.
for those who had kindly linked to this blog, may i ask you to update the link (i'm a real hit whore)
of course this page will not be deleted (at least not by myself) Vive la France!!!Apparently there's no english word for "borgne". I've checked every possible dictionary and all I come up with is "one-eyed" or "blind in one eye" and those are not real words. That is simply not good enough. This is evident and undisputable proof of our -as in US FRENCH- superiority. And all the billions and nuclear weapons in the world won't change that....
Apparement il n'y a pas de mots en anglais pour "borgne". J'ai regardé dans tout les dictionnaires et tout ce que je trouve c'est "one-eyed" ou "blind in one eye" et c'est même pas des vrais mots. Ca ne peut pas aller. C'est la preuve évidente et indiscutable de notre supériorité à nous les français. Et tout les milliards et armes nucléaires du monde ne peuvent rien y changer....
 марта 27 interesting blind eyesI bought new glasses today and the cute optometrist told me I had interesting eyes. I see fuck all, that's how interesting they are, i answered. I was in no mood to be bullshited into purchasing 20 pairs, even if the bullshitting came from a cute optometrist with perfect abs, a firm ass and a great smile and.....
Anyway, I tried on about 10 000 pairs and ended up with a restricted selection of about 5000 i liked. Which is about 5000 more than i can afford seeing as I am broke for some strange and unfathomable reason but i need new glasses NOW. And then I asked for the cute optometrist's opinion and all hell broke loose.
Of course I ended up buying the most expensive pair of frames in the whole city but I have the cute optometrist's phone number. I would put a picture of them (the glasses not the optometrist -you'll get naked pictures of him tomorrow-) but:
A. i look terrible;
B. i don't have the glasses yet because as above mentionned i see fuck all and they have to cut the lenses out of pure diamond or else I get a white stick and a dog. марта 23 working nine to five....Sometimes I wonder why people have huge ambitions, why they work so hard for more and more money, why I - a reasonable man- do the same, why people have such unreasonable cravings??? I think about Master Dolly Parton's philosophy brilliantly exposed in her major work "9 to 5" (just because you can't spell and have huge boobs and bleached blond hair doesn't mean you don't have anything interesting to say, although of course that will be the case most of the time).....and then yesterday I got to drive a client's Bentley.
This morning I was up at five to get some work done.
 марта 21 OMG! OMG! OMG!I took the subway this morning and there were like ten guys age ten to fifty staring at me, smiling salacious smiles and drooling all over the place. By the time we got to the Vieux-Port the car was turned into an aquarium. I smiled back and did my best impression of George Clooney. Never could imagine I looked so good in my new Hugo Boss suit, but i tried to play it cool.
Then the insignificant female individual i was seating next to got up and left the car and all those stupid guys followed her exchanging knowing glances and I realised for the first time she was a real beauty.
Oh me god!!!! does that means i'm gay?????
J'ai pris le métro ce matin et il y avait quelque chose comme dix hommes de dix a cinquante ans qui me regardaient avec attention, avec de larges sourires lubriques et bavants de partout. Du temps que l'on arrive au Vieux-Port la rame était devenue un véritable aquarium. Je souriais moi aussi en faisant ma meilleure imitation de George Clooney. J'imaginais pas être aussi beau même avec mon nouveau costume hugo boss, mais bon je gardais la tête froide.
C'est à ce moment la que l'insignifiante femelle assise à côté de moi s'est levée et que tous les mecs l'ont suivie du regard en s'échangeant des sourires entendus et j'ai réalisé pour la première fois que c'était une vraie bombe. Oh mon Dieu!!! Ca veut dire que je suis PD????? марта 13 BhoygarulaI just realised I haven't been complaining about the French administration for a while (mainly because i try to keep my relations with them buggers to the minimum). But I had to get papers to prove I have social security to my new employer. Had I imagined it would be so complicated I would never have accepted the new job. It is that bad!
My friends if you are regular readers of this here page then chances are you are demented because I just learned I DO NOT EXIST. You read well. It's not that I died or anything. There's no grave to mark my brief and useless existance on this planet. No file on which the date of my death would appear. I just ceased to exist this 31rst december. I am the one person officially falling into the category of undead people. I'm sure vampires and zombies have their own ways of providing for their old days or when they're ill but i couldn't find any info on the Internet on where to send my fees. You see I'm still learning, I'm just a baby undead for the moment.
I said I ceased to exist on the 31rst december but that's not completely true. I just have a paper that proves I existed on that date. The following conversation is -Truman Capote's style- 94% acurate (i got tested):
SOCIAL SECURITY ATTENDANT:Whut you want?
ME: I'd like to get a social security certificate, your Majesty. (I'm positive that's the way you have to address any member of the French administration because they have all kinds of rights on us peons).
SSA: Whut's your number?
ME: (I'm not a number!!! I'm a free man!!!) it's 1 77 (etc etc etc)
SSA: (types the number) You don't exist!
ME: What do you mean your excellency? I fucked that hottie boy yesterday and i never felt so alive.
SSA: You don't exist!
ME: Well surely the fact that I'm standing in front of you is proof of the contrary.
SSA: You have to prove me you exist.
ME: Well I have this document but it was valid untill december 31rst only.
SSA: Then it's no good.
ME: But your Highness, that is exactly why I am kindly requesting this certificate.
SSA: I can't deliver it. You don't exist unless you prove that you exist.
ME: How can I do that?
SSA: You have to show me a valid social security certificate.
Faced with such authority, I had to accept the awful truth of my non existance.
I'd like to direct you to a website where you could leave your testimonies or donate some money for whatever cause you wish to advocate but I don't think i can do that being as I am unexistant.
PS: cool consequences of being undead:
- I won't pay taxes anymore.
- That huge zit on my forehead is not a concern of mine any more seing as I don't have a reflection in the mirror.
марта 09 clear enough???!!And so it is марта 07 Yumm vely vely flesh tsicken....Miam, boulet tlès tlès fraisI went to the smallest dirtiest chinese restaurant yesterday. It was excellent. Of course as a direct and predictable consequence i have the shits and I thought I'd share that with you my friends.... Je suis allé dans le restaurant chinois le plus petit et le plus crade du monde hier. C'était excellent. Conséquence directe et prévisible bien sur, j'ai la chiasse. J'ai pensé que je partagerais ce moment avec vous...
 марта 06 Much ado about nothing....beaucoup de bruit pour rienAnd the winner is.......Crash. Oh, ok. better luck next time. I mean Crash was a very very good movie. Of course I felt much more watching Brokeback and I was expecting it to win but hey what is it we were really expecting? I think loads of gay or gay friendly people had really high hopes for that movie in terms of what it would do for the institutionnal recognition of homosexuality. Reality is...Brokeback is only just an excellent movie. Excellent but a movie all the same.
Et le gagnant est.......Collision. Ah, ouais. Ben tant pis, on fera mieux la prochaine fois. Je veux dire, Collision était vraiment un super film. Bien sûr Brokeback m'avait beaucoup plus ému et je m'attendais à ce qu'il gagne mais en fait qu'est ce qu'on attendait vraiment? J'ai peur que pas mal d'homos et d'amis d'homos avaient de grands espoirs sur ce que le film aurait comme résultat en terme d'avancement institutionnel de leur cause. La vérité vraie....c'est que Brokeback est un excellent film. Un putain de bon film mais just un film. марта 03 lazy bastard...branleur de premièrei am quite the lazy bastard really...blogwise
franchement je suis un peu un branleur...blogationnellement parlant |
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